We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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