wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
