so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
