He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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