I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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