You're my little dorito
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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