I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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