I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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