If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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