I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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