Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
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