oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
