grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I need moral support for this bender
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
