she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
