No awkward lesbian experiences without me
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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