I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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