Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
