They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
