9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
