Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You can't just leave with hair like that
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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