Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
