wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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