You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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