it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
