I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize