Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
