Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
