How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
