PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize