I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
