I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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