Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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