just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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