why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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