Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
