i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
