i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
