I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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