remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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