What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
