My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
