He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
