Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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