We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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