Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
