Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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