nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
