im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
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