Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
