it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
