I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
