my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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