If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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