I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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