another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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