You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
