the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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