3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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