If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
