2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
