I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
