just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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