I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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