I wish I only lived at night.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
