you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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