So drunk its hurt
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
