dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
