do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize