I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
