in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i believe in u and ur pee
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize