I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
