legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
40s are totally the cure
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
