I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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