Christians are straight up FREAKS
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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