He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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