I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
