giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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