Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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