My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
