one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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