bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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