I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
