Just fell off a train. Bad.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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