He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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