Apparently you make a good broom.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
