I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
