Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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