sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
