I puked a lego.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
