Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
