btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
