five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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