Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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