how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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