Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
