I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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