This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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