why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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