i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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