She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
