what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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