my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
