quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
