I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
