I'm laying in your front yard are you home
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I can't turn off my feet"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
