just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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