dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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